So right at this moment, I am basking in the amazingness of what happens when we don’t think we already know what’s going to happen or that we have to make something happen or that things have to hurry up. Things will unfold and, because as a human I am so limited, chances are that they are going to unfold in ways I don’t expect or couldn’t even really imagine—life is so much bigger than me.
In class this week, I was framing my current experience within the context of brahmacharya, which has a lot of meanings from celibacy to moderation. What I have been thinking about is the idea of restraint, of not following the first impulsive idea that comes into my head—refraining, which is maybe something like containing, which I suddenly realize as I am writing this is related to continence, which is, in fact, another term used for brahmacharya (in case you thought I was making this up). In practicing refraining from following my habitual patterns or just trying to get out of discomfort, I make room for something bigger to happen and don’t spend a lot of extra energy trying to clean up the messes I make when I react impulsively or regretting my actions.
Now, maybe the most interesting part of all this is that I don’t really think of myself as someone who has trouble with restraint. On the spectrum of possibilities, I am closer to restrained end than the impulsive end. So what I am talking about here is not holding back, suppressing or not acting in order to wait something out so it will be over (all of which I do sometimes). I think it’s more about containing the behavior of the small “s” self (the individual, separate person), so that more possibilities become available. I am refraining from doing something to get out of this moment that I am in right now. I realize that restraining/refraining/containing may not sound like that much fun, but I’m telling you it’s good.
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