I Don't Feel Like It, Part 2

I bought some peaches this week. Like many fruits, peaches are usually not ripe when you buy them, then they are ripe for a limited amount of time, and then they are not good anymore. I, personally, am pretty picky about my fruit ripeness, so my ideal window of opportunity can sometimes be small. It’s possible that “I don’t feel like” eating the peach when it is ripe.  What occurred to me today when I was eating the last perfect peach is that when I eat that perfect peach at the right time, I am not going to have a bad experience—it is delicious. If I don’t eat it then, I miss the chance forever (either I won’t eat it at all or I eat it and it isn’t very good). Now, nevermind being wasteful and the starving children in Africa—I bought the peach because I like peaches, so who is it that doesn’t feel like eating it? By having “my” ideas about the right time for things, I end up not being in sync with life’s right time for things. This little separate self thinks it’s got a better idea than life. Yoga says this is the main cause of suffering—avidya (ignorance). When I know am part of life and I am in the flow with life, then I don’t need to worry about when I do or don’t feel like doing something, I just do what life shows me to do.

I Don't Feel Like It

Today I went to a flying trapeze class! Long ago, I bought a groupon and it was about to expire, so this week I finally got around to registering for class. This morning, as I was driving there, I was wondering why I was doing it.  The impulse I had felt way back when, when the offer arrived in my inbox, was long gone and I was definitely having an “I don’t feel like it” moment. I was going, but I wasn’t really feeling too excited and kind of thinking I’d rather just laze around at home.

And then (of course), it was totally fun.

I think I should just always be on the lookout for “I don’t feel like it.” Now, I was just thinking of this on the way home from the class today, so I haven’t done a full investigation. I’m not exactly sure what the whole process is and what’s going on, but I have reason to believe that when I’m hearing that kind of whiny voice in my head saying “I don’t feel like it,” at the very least, I need to at least check it out, try to see what’s happening. I suspect that a lot of the time it doesn’t have much to do with what I do or don’t want to do, but maybe has more to do with resistance or conditioned mind trying to talk me out of something. “I don’t feel like it” seems like it is more of a mental conversation than an actual feeling, at least some of the time. There is definitely more looking to do here (svadhyaya or self-study). I’m sure I’ll have another opportunity soon—maybe when it’s time to vacuum!

A Cup of Tea

I used to drink a cup of black tea with sugar and half and half pretty much every morning. Like many coffee drinkers, it was part of my morning ritual—the smell, taste and process of making my tea were all comforting in a way. When I started the elimination diet, I cut out sugar, dairy and caffeine, so that was it for my morning tea. I tried herbal teas, but they just didn’t do the same thing, plus it’s “summer” so the hot beverage wasn’t quite so important. There was so much adjustment at first that I didn’t pay much attention to the tea aspect of things.

Eventually, as things got more settled and re-calibrated, I realized that I did miss my tea and set out to find some sort of suitable substitute. After trying a variety of alternative sweeteners and dairy substitutes, as well as green tea, black tea and decaffeinated black tea, I think I am accepting the fact that my cup of tea might be a thing of the past. This final conclusion happened just this morning right about the time I was opening up my laptop. I made a cup of assam (my favorite black tea) and used a dollop of heavy whipping cream (my naturopath said though she doesn’t do dairy, she does this one thing in her tea in the morning and something about how since it’s pretty much all fat, it’s not so bad) and some honey (because the thing I can’t do, I think, is go back to having refined sugar every morning).

And it’s just not the same. It might be the sugar, but I actually think my taste for the tea has changed. I couldn’t even drink the whole thing. So once again, I am faced with the difference between reality and my idea of reality or how I think it should be or something like that. Rather than continuing to remember how my tea used to be, it’s time to refer to my more current experience. So as in the last post, I am thinking about how things change. Things change and it is my job to let them change—neither pushing nor resisting.

I am reminded of another thing Sonia said in that workshop. Sutra 2.1 (tapah svadhyaya ishvarapranidhanani kriyayogah) is often interpreted as something like yoga is practiced through effort, self-study and surrender. Sonia’s teacher, Desikachar, says instead, “act, observe, be open.” I have found this so helpful. The be open part asks us to allow the results of what we do to be what they are. Simple and straightforward instructions for life. I guess I am done longing for my old experience with tea.