Cultivating Generosity

It’s aparigraha month at The Samarya Center.  Aparigraha is non-grasping, non-hoarding, non-greed, non-accumulation of material things.  One of the qualities I don’t admire in myself very much is stinginess.  I’ve been thinking about the difference between greed and stinginess because I don’t think greediness is one of my main issues (to me, that’s about trying to get a lot, grabbing after and collecting up money or stuff or whatever).  But one of the opposites of greed would be generosity and one of the opposites of generosity would be stinginess.  Stinginess is not so much about accumulation, but about holding on tightly to what you have.  Greed implies having a lot (which is relative of course), but a person can have not much and still be stingy.

I have been reading a marketing book lately and the author repeatedly states that you have to give people value, whether they are clients, potential clients, professionals in your network or anyone else that you want to connect with.  That means you have to “give people value” before they are paying you (or if they never pay you).  Now I agree with this 100%.  You can’t be afraid of doing things for free—you show people what you know and can do and that’s what makes them want to work with you.  I’m on board . . . to a point.  That’s what I realized.  I want to give value and be generous, but there is part of me that wants to hold something back to make sure that I still have something to give.  I don’t want to give all the information (or whatever else) because what if next time I don’t have anything else to say.

Holding on seems to be about fear.  This feeling that I have to parse things out so I can save something for the future, just in case, is fear.  I would rather trust that there is enough, that I will learn more, earn more, have more.  And, I will say, I have gotten a lot better at that.  I’m just bumping up against the next edge.  The only thing that is coming to me right now in terms of practicing is:  to notice when I am holding back or holding on, when I am feeling reluctant to share, and then share anyway, give a little more.  For many years, I have used tipping in restaurants as a way to practice this.

So, in the spirit of cultivating generosity in myself and giving value, I recently developed a free online resource.  At the risk of sounding like a cheesy self-help book, I call it 5 Simple Activities to Help You Feel Better . . . Right Now.  Get more info here.