One, Two, Buckle My Shoe

I was having a discussion recently with a friend about the ideas of duality and non-duality—different branches and texts associated with yoga tend to describe things in one of these two ways.  It is funny that the “non-dualists,” who propose that all is one have to describe themselves as NON-dualists, that is, “we are this, not that,” which is, of course, dualistic.

I can see why it is difficult to take a non-dualistic view, even for some who identify as non-dualist.  It seems to be the natural thing our minds want to do—to put things into categories, especially the good/bad categories, which also manifest as I like/I don’t like and pleasant/unpleasant.  I’m not sure this can really be avoided (and really, even wanting to puts us back into dualistic thinking).  OK, I’m trying not to get to heady here.  The fact of the matter is that nature is full of pairs of opposites (or perhaps we could say complements)—night and day, hot and cold, etc.  To say this isn’t true or that one side is true and the other isn’t just seems silly.  It’s that whole yin and yang thing—both sides are part of the whole. 

I’m remembering a workshop with Daniel Siegel, the big brain guy, where he talked a lot about integration and that integration requires differentiating the parts and then bringing them together.  For him, integration is the hallmark of well-being (I feel like I’ve talked about this before in the blog, but oh well).  So, it seems like “non-dualism” is a matter of stepping back far enough to see the big picture and how the two parts relate to each other and are actually inextricable.

So, just for example, our dog, Maggie, is really cute and a really good dog overall and brings me a lot of happiness just in being who she is.  I like her.  And today, she just kept barking and growling all morning—there must have been something going on outside that was out of my hearing or something.  She was driving me crazy and I was getting really irritated.  I didn’t like her.  Both sides exist.  I challenge you to find someone that you like 100% of the time.  For most of us, the opposite is a little more difficult to see because we are conditioned to look for what we don’t like mostly, but if I think of someone I don’t like, I can find something about them that I do like or can appreciate or even something that I don’t dislike quite as much.  The two things are intertwined—two sides of the same coin.  Think about that phrase, “two sides of the same coin.”  The two sides are distinct and yet together they make the whole.  To me, that’s non-dualism.  It’s not picking one side and just saying that the other side isn’t there or something.

So who cares?  What does this have to do with anything?  Well, I can just speak for myself.  I don’t really think it matters what you call it, but in my experience, when I can hold opposing viewpoints or perspectives, when I can accept the complexity and multidimensionality of any person, object, experience or situation, I have more peace.  I have less compulsion to do something, to get something, to get away from something, to make things different.  This ultimately results in fewer waves in my mind (citta vrtti in yogaspeak).  I am not caught so much in the push and pull of raga and dvesha (attraction and aversion).  It may seem counterintuitive that by acknowledging the attraction and aversion inherent in all things, inherent in life, they have less power over me, but that is how it works.  (And by the way, that’s how it works with everything—it’s the things we don’t acknowledge that keep us trapped).

In the spirit of “keepin’ it real,” I will offer you something practical:  a favorite Samarya game called Upside/Downside.  Just spend a day looking for the upside and downside of everything and see what happens.  Like right now for me:  boy, this dinner is taking a lot longer to cook than I thought.  The upside is that my husband is getting home much later than he was planning, so dinner is not sitting around waiting for him getting cold or getting overcooked.  The downside is that I am hungry and I am tired of cooking dinner.  I’d love to hear from you about how this little activity goes.

As I was writing, two quotes came to mind, so I’ll put them here:

The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty.  –Anne Lamott  (I’ve been thinking of that one a lot lately and this seems like as good a time as any to share it)

All men are deceived by the appearances of things, even Homer himself, who was the wisest man in Greece; for he was deceived by boys catching lice: they said to him, “What we have caught and what we have killed we have left behind, but what has escaped us we bring with us.” –Heraclitus (the epigraph in a book of poetry by W. S. Merwin)