My Morning Commute

There is a bunch of construction on one of the streets I drive on when I drive to work.  The traffic gets backed up and I think it adds some time to my commute.  The thing that is interesting to me is the number of times I have found myself stuck there and what happens.

Things in the mind happen so fast that it can be hard to tell what comes first.  I think the first thing is “Oh, right, this construction”—almost like I am there for the first time.  “Hmmm.  OK.”  Then almost immediately there is a thought that I should have remembered and taken a different route, a bit of disbelief and disdain that I am not more on top of things and didn’t avoid this, that if I were a better yogi, I would be paying attention.  I have gotten pretty good at recognizing this sort of thinking that doesn’t really serve any purpose other than making me feel bad and actually isn’t really true—it takes me out of my real experience and starts trouble.

I have concluded that it must not really be that important to me whether I end up in that traffic or not because if it were important, I would probably remember.  I remember lots of things.  In actuality, it doesn’t cause me any difficulty, I haven’t been late to anything, I’m just there in my car amongst the other cars, listening to Cheri Huber podcasts.  There’s nothing wrong.  This very minor experience has confirmed for me that something isn’t a problem unless I think it’s a problem.  And there is some part of me that would make everything a problem, but I don’t have to fall for it. 

Asmita (I-am-ness) is one of the kleshas or obstacles to happiness.  This refers to lots of things, but part of it is thinking that I can control things, that things depend on me.  I think this relates to my traffic experience.  Asmita is thinking that I can have the experience I want, the right experience, if I do everything right.  In this frame of mind, I have to be extremely vigilant all the time because every choice has dire consequences.  As it turns out, the experience I have doesn’t have anything to do with what I do.  I can have the experience of okayness at any time doing anything.  Well, at least, theoretically.  It seems to be true when I drive down 148^th morning after morning.