I was having a discussion recently with a friend about the ideas of duality and non-duality—different branches and texts associated with yoga tend to describe things in one of these two ways. It is funny that the “non-dualists,” who propose that all is one have to describe themselves as NON-dualists, that is, “we are this, not that,” which is, of course, dualistic.

I’m remembering a workshop with Daniel Siegel, the big brain guy, where he talked a lot about integration and that integration requires differentiating the parts and then bringing them together. For him, integration is the hallmark of well-being (I feel like I’ve talked about this before in the blog, but oh well). So, it seems like “non-dualism” is a matter of stepping back far enough to see the big picture and how the two parts relate to each other and are actually inextricable.

So who cares? What does this have to do with anything? Well, I can just speak for myself. I don’t really think it matters what you call it, but in my experience, when I can hold opposing viewpoints or perspectives, when I can accept the complexity and multidimensionality of any person, object, experience or situation, I have more peace. I have less compulsion to do something, to get something, to get away from something, to make things different. This ultimately results in fewer waves in my mind (citta vrtti in yogaspeak). I am not caught so much in the push and pull of raga and dvesha (attraction and aversion). It may seem counterintuitive that by acknowledging the attraction and aversion inherent in all things, inherent in life, they have less power over me, but that is how it works. (And by the way, that’s how it works with everything—it’s the things we don’t acknowledge that keep us trapped).
In the spirit of “keepin’ it real,” I will offer you something practical: a favorite Samarya game called Upside/Downside. Just spend a day looking for the upside and downside of everything and see what happens. Like right now for me: boy, this dinner is taking a lot longer to cook than I thought. The upside is that my husband is getting home much later than he was planning, so dinner is not sitting around waiting for him getting cold or getting overcooked. The downside is that I am hungry and I am tired of cooking dinner. I’d love to hear from you about how this little activity goes.
As I was writing, two quotes came to mind, so I’ll put them here:
The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. –Anne Lamott (I’ve been thinking of that one a lot lately and this seems like as good a time as any to share it)
All men are deceived by the appearances of things, even Homer himself, who was the wisest man in Greece; for he was deceived by boys catching lice: they said to him, “What we have caught and what we have killed we have left behind, but what has escaped us we bring with us.” –Heraclitus (the epigraph in a book of poetry by W. S. Merwin)